The same life, a new beginning
I was a lost kid from birth. I grew up a lost kid, and I thought I would be lost my whole life. That changed the day I met a certain man. This is the story of how I found my new beginning, how I found myself and where I belonged.
My freshman year of high school I moved in with my sister and her family. I babysat my niece and that was my reason for living with them. As I said before I was a lost kid, I had experienced many hard times in my life and I was very unhappy with life. I was very hard on myself all the time, I felt ugly, stupid, worthless, and unloved.
Growing up I was often made fun of, but not for the same reasons as most kids. I’m not exactly sure why I didn’t fit in. After all of the negative comments from the people around me I started believing them. I was so unhappy that at a young age I was depressed. Another hard thing to understand is why someone’s mother wouldn’t want them. In some cases maybe the mother is too young to care for the child, or just simply just doesn’t want any kids. But my mother’s reason was different. She was unable to care for me.
I was not her first child, but to my knowledge, I was her last. My mother was in her mid-twenties when I was born. I couldn’t tell you much about my mother except very little memories and the many things my family told me about her. The reason for this, my mother’s sister, Lynn, got temporary custody the day I was released from the hospital. My mother was unable to care for me because she had a disease; she was addicted to drugs and alcohol.
Lynn raised me pretty much from birth. I do not know who my biological father. I saw my mother, but rarely. I hold dearly to the few memories I have of her. Like any other person I long for the relationship we could have had. But to get through life I can’t rest on the past that can’t be changed. I must look forward to the life I can have. Many times I find myself wondering what life would be like if we were a normal family, if my mom was healthy and I had a mom and a dad. But then I remember that everything happens for a reason and if that were my life I would not have the many experiences I have and have gotten to meet the many great people I have met.
I’ve had a rough life, but so have many other people. I used to wish I was dead. I didn’t see a purpose in life. I questioned if I would ever be happy. And slowly I realized that I would never be happy if I didn’t do anything about it.
While I lived with my sister I attended church with her. I enjoyed church. I have gone to church on and off my whole life. I was spiritual but I never stayed committed. I was never ready until my sister, her family and I attended a new church, called center pointe. This church was a whole new world for me. The people were accepting no matter your story. It was an enjoyable environment that could make your whole week better just by going on Sundays.
I decided one Sunday that I was so touched by the message that I wanted Jesus in my life. I wanted to live for Him and I wanted to receive His eternal happiness. I got saved that day. I finally found the “Father” I thought I never had. I finally had a peace in my life. The blessings continued as the following summer I was baptized.
My walk a young and new Christian was hard. Like any other human, I made mistakes. I slipped off the path a couple of times, but I looked to God for guidance and it was guidance that He gave me. No one is perfect and we all fall short of the glory of God, but I wanted to do better. To this day I still strive to be the best Christian I can be. Its not easy but me and many other Christians walk the same path for God. It’s a walk on a tight rope totally on faith. But with the help of our Heavenly Father, we can arrive to the other end of the rope safely.
“Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” – Romans 5:5
